Thursday, 14 October 2010

Lunch with Mojo

Lunch is fucking cla. Look at Obam-bam there....his popularity in the polls is decreasing but he's just had some lunch and he's going out there to fuck that Tea Party up. He fucking loves lunch plus hes thinking "Who are all these wankers? I just came for a quiet pint at my local boozer and these cunts showed up."

Yeah, lunch is great. For two years though I used to find lunch a total misery. I worked in the Mournes and I used to go to lunch with my boss every day. Now, we didn't work on Wall Street...we worked in THE MOURNES. He used to buy the Irish News and talk endlessly about the local deaths. He usually just made grunts. I loved him more than any man I ever met. In a little room in the middle of the mournes whilst the rain was pouring down outside on a dark November day we sat down for lunch.......

My boss = Ah, are you right?
Mojo = Aye, fuckin' shit day
My boss = aye
Mojo = what about you?


My boss = (sigh) aye
Mojo = aye


Mojo = you know I'm getting fucking sick of ham sandwiches. They're shite.
My boss = aye
Mojo = aye, wile bad craic like.


[more silence]

My boss = awh......
Mojo = Wha?
My boss = awh no
Mojo = what's wrong?
My boss (whilst looking at the Irish news)=wee paddy fitzpatrick is dead .I must tell Mariead
Mojo = who's that?
My boss = wee Paddy?
Mojo = yeah, did you know him?
My boss = He's married to wee Margaret's cousin Gene.
Mojo = Who's Margaret
My boss = she's the lovely wee lady who passess the basket around at mass.
Mojo = ........................................................ oh. Did you know her?
My boss = aye, she gave me the basket last week.................. I was in the aisle seat. Paddy wasn't there though
Mojo = .....wile sad that...... it's always a shock
My boss = aye....poor Paddy....fucking wile sad


[more silence]

[even more silence]

Mojo = What's it like living in the Mournes ?
My boss = Wha?
Mojo = You know the Mournes?
My boss = awh it's good like.
Mojo = fuck all is happening though
My boss = aye I know...but its good...look at the's better than fucking Newry. That's one shithole! Ha ha!
Mojo = What? I like NEwry.
My boss = You're just saying that because you live there....
Mojo = I know.
My boss = you're a cunt
Mojo = fuck off you're a cunt.
My boss = Ah look....... Castlewellan are playing mayobridge at the weekend......big game!
Mojo = aye, that's a big one
My boss = aye
Mojo = Wile craic like


My boss = [grunt]

[more silence]

[rustling of paper]

My boss = back to work...c'mon ya cunt.

Mojo = shite

And that was my life every day for two years.

=============== the end =======


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