Monday - Not even Bennie could save us.

My life is a travesty. It is in tatters. Down lost the All-Ireland Final yesterday and I can't seem to find a barber and my shit hair is just getting out of control. I'm frightened of men touching my hair. Actually, I'm frightened of anyone touching my hair. It's creepy when men touch your head particularly when they're standing behind you. Do you like it when strange bullish men touch your head? Of course you fucking don't! I am planning on maybe going to a hairdressers and having an awkward conversation with a female hairdresser I never met before. Afterwards I will run home crying with my hands hiding my hair. Oh Terry T where are you? Terry T is my barber in Newry and I really miss him. I miss his laugh and the way he talked to the trees. I miss him more than soda bread. He gave good head. And I mean that whole-heartedly. He never encountered Eugene but I think that phrase should be altered for Barbers. There's very few that gave good head and terry T is one of them.

Yeah life is shit. What's good about it? The sun? Fuck the sun, its bollocks. Sorry, I'm in a bad mood. Everything is shit when you're in a bad mood. Even puppies fuck you off when you're in a bad mood. I seen a puppy today and said "I wonder if I could cook that wee fucker. Hmmm puppy burger..." Why create a lie? Just be honest, everyone has wanted to eat a Puppy Burger at some point. Lovely lovely puppy meat.

I'm sometimes glad I've never put a teenage girl up the duff. It sometimes my only comfort in life. I don't think I've had a bad run. Maybe its over. The gold run. Maybe the gold runs over.

It was a Monday today. I expected it to be crap and it was. I seen a woman fall in the street and lots of people ran to help her. That was the best moment in my day. I stood there and just cried into my Down scarf. I am in mourning after getting beat in the GAA All IReland final. Not even Bennie Coulter could save us. Now I yearn for a better tomorrow. One that is Bennie-less but can be ultimately redemptive.

The end